Rejection
dealing with attacks on our values
Side notes
All Bible references are from the English Standard Version unless otherwise noted.
[1] Isaiah 14:12-15
“How you are fallen from heaven, O Day Star, son of Dawn! How you are cut down to the ground, you who laid the nations low! You said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; above the stars of God I will set my throne on high; I will sit on the mount of assembly in the far reaches of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.’ But you are brought down to Sheol, to the far reaches of the pit.”
[2] Ezekiel 28:11-19
Moreover, the word of the Lord came to me: “Son of man, raise a lamentation over the king of Tyre, and say to him, Thus says the Lord God: “You were the signet of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. You were in Eden, the garden of God; every precious stone was your covering, sardius, topaz, and diamond, beryl, onyx, and jasper, sapphire, emerald, and carbuncle; and crafted in gold were your settings and your engravings. On the day that you were created they were prepared. You were an anointed guardian cherub. I placed you; you were on the holy mountain of God; in the midst of the stones of fire you walked. You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created, till unrighteousness was found in you. In the abundance of your trade you were filled with violence in your midst, and you sinned; so I cast you as a profane thing from the mountain of God, and I destroyed you, O guardian cherub, from the midst of the stones of fire. Your heart was proud because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor. I cast you to the ground; I exposed you before kings, to feast their eyes on you. By the multitude of your iniquities, in the unrighteousness of your trade you profaned your sanctuaries; so I brought fire out from your midst; it consumed you, and I turned you to ashes on the earth in the sight of all who saw you. All who know you among the peoples are appalled at you; you have come to a dreadful end and shall be no more forever.”
[3] Genesis 3:1-24
Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
The Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, cursed are you above all livestock and above all beasts of the field; on your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life. I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.” To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ’You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”
The man called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living. And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them. Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever—” therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken. He drove out the man, and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life.
[4] Isaiah 59:2
..but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.
[5] Romans 6:23
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
[6] Romans 10:10-13
For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
[7] Luke 12:48
But the one who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, will receive a light beating. Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more.
[8] Matthew 10:42
And whoever gives one of these little ones even a cup of cold water because he is a disciple, truly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward.”
[9] Luke 21:16
You will be delivered up even by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and some of you they will put to death.
[10] Psalms 68:6
God settles the solitary in a home; he leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.
[11] John 15:15
No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
[12] Matthew 25:15
To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away.
[13] Luke 19:17
And he said to him, ‘Well done, good servant! Because you have been faithful in a very little, you shall have authority over ten cities.’
“How you are fallen from heaven, O Day Star, son of Dawn! How you are cut down to the ground, you who laid the nations low! You said in your heart, ‘I will ascend to heaven; above the stars of God I will set my throne on high; I will sit on the mount of assembly in the far reaches of the north; I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will make myself like the Most High.’ But you are brought down to Sheol, to the far reaches of the pit.”
Moreover, the word of the Lord came to me: “Son of man, raise a lamentation over the king of Tyre, and say to him, Thus says the Lord God: “You were the signet of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. You were in Eden, the garden of God; every precious stone was your covering, sardius, topaz, and diamond, beryl, onyx, and jasper, sapphire, emerald, and carbuncle; and crafted in gold were your settings and your engravings. On the day that you were created they were prepared. You were an anointed guardian cherub. I placed you; you were on the holy mountain of God; in the midst of the stones of fire you walked. You were blameless in your ways from the day you were created, till unrighteousness was found in you. In the abundance of your trade you were filled with violence in your midst, and you sinned; so I cast you as a profane thing from the mountain of God, and I destroyed you, O guardian cherub, from the midst of the stones of fire. Your heart was proud because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor. I cast you to the ground; I exposed you before kings, to feast their eyes on you. By the multitude of your iniquities, in the unrighteousness of your trade you profaned your sanctuaries; so I brought fire out from your midst; it consumed you, and I turned you to ashes on the earth in the sight of all who saw you. All who know you among the peoples are appalled at you; you have come to a dreadful end and shall be no more forever.”
Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?” The man said, “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit of the tree, and I ate.” Then the Lord God said to the woman, “What is this that you have done?” The woman said, “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.”
The Lord God said to the serpent, “Because you have done this, cursed are you above all livestock and above all beasts of the field; on your belly you shall go, and dust you shall eat all the days of your life. I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.” To the woman he said, “I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” And to Adam he said, “Because you have listened to the voice of your wife and have eaten of the tree of which I commanded you, ’You shall not eat of it,’ cursed is the ground because of you; in pain you shall eat of it all the days of your life; thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field. By the sweat of your face you shall eat bread, till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for you are dust, and to dust you shall return.”
The man called his wife's name Eve, because she was the mother of all living. And the Lord God made for Adam and for his wife garments of skins and clothed them. Then the Lord God said, “Behold, the man has become like one of us in knowing good and evil. Now, lest he reach out his hand and take also of the tree of life and eat, and live forever—” therefore the Lord God sent him out from the garden of Eden to work the ground from which he was taken. He drove out the man, and at the east of the garden of Eden he placed the cherubim and a flaming sword that turned every way to guard the way to the tree of life.
..but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear.
For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.
For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. For the Scripture says, “Everyone who believes in him will not be put to shame.” For there is no distinction between Jew and Greek; for the same Lord is Lord of all, bestowing his riches on all who call on him. For “everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
But the one who did not know, and did what deserved a beating, will receive a light beating. Everyone to whom much was given, of him much will be required, and from him to whom they entrusted much, they will demand the more.
And whoever gives one of these little ones even a cup of cold water because he is a disciple, truly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward.”
You will be delivered up even by parents and brothers and relatives and friends, and some of you they will put to death.
God settles the solitary in a home; he leads out the prisoners to prosperity, but the rebellious dwell in a parched land.
No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.
To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away.
And he said to him, ‘Well done, good servant! Because you have been faithful in a very little, you shall have authority over ten cities.’
Every human on earth suffers, in some form or other, from rejection. Often it is difficult to put a finger on where it comes from and what it does, although rejection is more evident by its fruit than its roots. It produces a twisted form of wounding in us, which almost always has nothing to do with the original cause. Its roots are often shadowy and vague, and can prove most elusive to locate.
For us to enter into full freedom, however, it is important that we do find the roots, and dig them out. Let us, then, look at some definitions to gain understanding.
Rejection is the result of failure to reach a standard or expectation, be that failure factual or fantasy. Rejection attacks our standards – ‘what I do is not good enough.’
Factual Rejection
Satan is the first being recorded in the Bible who discovered all about factual rejection. Through rebellion he failed the standard that God expected of him, and so was cast from God’s immediate presence. Isaiah 14:12-15[1], Ezekiel 28:11-19[2]
Adam and Eve through their disobedience, also failed to maintain the standard that God expected of them, with the result that they lost their place in Eden. Genesis 3:1-24[3]
Continuing on from Adam and Eve, every human now knows rejection, for we are told in Romans 3:23NLT that ..all have sinned; all fall short of God’s glorious standard.”
We all suffer the consequences of our sin in that we have become separated from God. Isaiah 59:2[4]
Even with other humans we find ourselves missing the mark from time to time, and such experiences are painful. This pain, however, can be fixed provided we are honest about our mistakes and deal with them. God’s rejection, in particular, is wide open for fixing. (See article on getting saved)
Fantasy Rejection
Fantasy rejection, though not real, is far more common than factual rejection.
Fantasy rejection springs to life when we think we have been, or will be, rejected by some failure that has not in fact yet occurred (and which in actual fact may never occur). Such perceptions are particularly vicious because they cause us to try and defend ourselves against something as yet non-existent.
Rejection specialises in attacking our emotions, which cannot think, (nor are they designed by God to do so,) hence our often excessive and illogical reactions to innocent deeds, words or situations.
Rejection says “I’m not good enough”, or, “I can’t”.
The pain of rejection, be it factual or fantasy, almost inevitably produces within us a counterattack, causing us to sin. At worst, it makes us vulnerable to demonic attention.
There is a saying that goes – “Hurting people hurt people.” We do not enjoy having our standards declared unacceptable, and we so often go on the offensive. We may even start hurting those who have hurt us. Through our words and actions we make it clear that we don’t think too much of their ideas or values either!
Such reactions are bad enough if the rejection we have suffered is real. But more often than not, we are operating in fantasy rejection, and so we lash out with word or deed before anything has even happened to us. Such is the twisted nature of rejection.
Fantasy rejection takes that which is non-existent, and treats it as fact – which it isn’t. You see God didn’t reject Adam and Eve as people, it was their behaviour and attitudes that caused their expulsion from Eden. God still continued with them after Eden.
There are almost unlimited ways by which we can enter rejection, but let us look at just a few: – our conception being unwanted, marital problems between parents or relatives living at home, prolonged labour, instrument birth, being the ‘wrong’ gender, being adopted out or having someone adopted into our family, receiving criticism, being sent to boarding school, seeing favouritism amongst siblings, poverty, parental illness, domination by one parent, maltreatment by school teachers, unemployment, having any body shape except the ‘right one’.
Even being afraid of rejection brings its own forms of bondage!
Consider these personal reactions to rejection: – Fear of authority figures, fear of inadequacy, fear of others’ opinions, fear of failure, inability or refusal to communicate, excessive sadness or grief, inadequacy, insecurity, hopelessness, despair, unbelief, negativity, anxiety, depression, self condemnation, self accusation, low self image, inferiority, pessimism.
Do any of these traits fit you?
How about these known aggressive reactions to rejection? – argumentativeness, fighting, criticism, rebellion, anger, temper, stubbornness, defiance, swearing, hardness, harshness, refusing comfort.
How’s your score so far?
Let us make it still worse by giving some examples of attitudes adopted to offset the fear of rejection: – self pity, petulance, emotional insecurity, manipulation, possessiveness, envy, jealousy, pride, haughtiness, arrogance, self justification, self righteousness, judging, ridicule, self-centredness, selfishness, self protectiveness, striving, competitiveness, independence, isolationism, withdrawal, perfectionism.
Oh dear!
There is really only one ultimate cure for rejection.
Rejection is ultimately cured only by the aggressive application of truth concerning our standards. We must become ruthlessly honest with ourselves, and that is best done by the personal application of Bible truths. Let’s look at some examples:
- It is true that God has rejected our sin, but it is not true that we are rejected. Romans 6:23[5], Romans 10:10-13[6]
- It is true that we are not as good as some people at some things, but it is not true that we are no good. Luke 12:48[7], Matthew 10:42[8]
- It is true that some people do not want our friendship, but it is not true that we are friendless. Luke 21:16[9], Psalms 68:6[10], John 15:15[11]
- It is true that our natural talents may be limited, but it is not true that we are hopeless. Matthew 25:15[12], Luke 19:17[13]
The pain of rejection is not usually changed overnight. Where there are demonic invasions, they must of course be dealt with, but generally the healing from rejection takes a long time and involves lots of hard work. The greatest enemies of rejection are honesty and truth.
Lord bless
This paper seeks to accurately represent the teachings of Holy Scriptures. You are free to copy or alter all or any part of this paper PROVIDED that the Holy Scriptures are not misrepresented as a result.